Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Purple Babies, Part II
I finished my read-aloud through Michal's Window before sending it to my editor. Here are a few more purple phrases that got the ax. Read and weep, or laugh.
His mouth bruised my tongue, and the stubble of his beard rasped my cheeks, plowing tart, tingling stings into the edge of my lips.
My abdomen tightened with iron bands of tension. I reeled him in with my legs, desperately arching to mate with the battering torrent of his anguish.
An explosion of stars burst behind my eyelids as he slapped my head against the wall.
His magnificent roar ripped the fabric of my consciousness as he surged and spread himself bare into my heart.
My left arm and shoulder cramped, as a cauldron of heat boiled and bubbled inside of me, causing me to wiggle to relieve the tension.
A cold web spread over my hair and tightened my scalp.
My stomach clenched as an avalanche of stones crushed my heart.
A monstrous tidal wave of pressure hammered me with swell after swell of raw delight.
Wasted, we wrapped our limbs around our battered bodies, our hearts scourged by spiked whips, bleeding rivers of eviscerating torture.
Now, why did my crit partners let me get away with these? Probably laughing too hard.