Saturday, May 12, 2012

How to Tame a Tiger Mom - Jokes and Battle Plan


Q: When is a Chinese mother most dangerous?
A:When she's armed with a minivan near a school zone and the bell is about to ring.


Q: Who was the most blessed Jewish Mother in history?
A: Bathsheba, she had one thousand daughter-in-laws

Q: What are the two classes a Chinese Mother will allow her child to fail?
A: Acting and Fiction Writing

Q: American mothers play music to their wombs, Indian mothers practice yoga and hum to their wombs. What does a Chinese mother recite to her womb?
A: Multi-variable Calculus and Differential Equations problem sets.

Q: What is a Chinese mother's favorite algebraic equation?
A: a+a, a*a, a**a

Three Chinese mothers and a Jewish mother were sitting around a mah-jong table.
The first Chinese mother says, "My son graduated top of his class from Harvard and is now an executive at a biotechnology company making $250,000 a year."
The second Chinese mother says, "My daughter received a National Science Foundation grant and finished her PhD in three years and is now a research scientist with her own lab."
The third Chinese mother says, "My son and daughter-in-law just sold their genetic engineering start-up for $5 billion in cash and stock."
The Jewish mother shrugs her shoulders. "Oy vey! My daughter's a writer."
The three Chinese mothers exclaim in unison, "Ai ya! What does she write?"
The Jewish mother slaps the tiles down. "Your children's paychecks."

King Solomon was playing chess with the Queen of Sheba.
Sheba: Do you believe in Heaven or Hell?
Solomon: Both.
Sheba: Heaven I believe, but not Hell.
Solomon: That's because you don't have one thousand mother-in-laws.

Daughter: Mom, I'm taking C++ next semester.
Chinese Mother: Only a C? Must have been invented by Americans.

American Boy: I got a B- on my test and my parents took me to Chuckie Cheese to raise my self-esteem.
Chinese Boy: I got an A- and a big box from Amazon.
American Boy: Wow! Your parents are cool! What's in the box?
Chinese Boy: Workbooks, practice tests and a hat to cover up the bald spot they left on my head.

A Chinese mother leaves a one-star review for Battle Hymn of a Tiger Mom: She's a slacker.
Friend: Why is that?
Chinese mother: Anyone with time to write isn't driving her kids far enough.

Q: American mothers turn the dial to find the right channel. Jewish mothers turn the dial to heat up their hairdryers. What dial does a Chinese mother turn?
A: The speed dial of the metronome while their child practices piano.

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Do you have any jokes? Please post them in the comments below and while you're at it, take a look at a few gifts that can slow your mother down. Distract her with a Kindle and 5 Ebooks for 5 Bucks! 

Have a Happy Mother's Day!

Growing Up Country: Memories of an Iowa Farm Girl by Carol Bodensteiner, A memoir of a happy farm childhood. http://amzn.to/xRpHuY

Michal's Window by Rachelle Ayala - Love, Betrayal, Redemption: King David and the daughter of Saul.
E-book: http://amzn.to/yO2mPy
Paper: http://amzn.to/JDklTG

Loyalty Binds Me by Joan Szechtman, A novel about Richard III in the 21st-century
E-book: http://tinyurl.com/79jxh8u
Paperback: http://tinyurl.com/c563k48

Life on the Edge by Jennifer Comeaux - A story of love and perseverence.
E-book: http://amzn.com/B006T89A4Y
Paperback: http://amzn.com/1470101777

After Ten by Michele Shriver- A story of acceptance, forgiveness and the bonds of friendship.
Amazon: http://amzn.com/B005YD4V7Q
B&N: http://bit.ly/IgCvvK

Always & Forever by Chantel Rhondeau coming summer 2012 - A suspected murderess must start over - romantic suspense.
Excerpt  http://awe.sm/5on16

8 comments:

  1. These are great! I love jokes but sister got all the joke genes in our family. I can only remember them if someone else tells them.

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  2. Haha--love these jokes, and being from a secular Jewish upbringing, I can identify. :-)

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  3. Thanks for the laugh, Rachelle! Unfortunately, I am a horrible joke teller, but I appreciate reading yours! Have a great day!

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  4. There's a skating book about a ferocious Chinese mom and daughter with "Tiger Mom" in the title, so your post made me think about that!

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  5. i liked your blog. Get your daily dose of laughter with the funniest jokes in the world including Animal Jokes and many more, all in one place.

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  6. Hi David, thanks for the site. Funny!

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